kohlton:

I should just not even try to make a boy like me

whiskey-memories:

bras are so expensive like i didn’t choose the boob life the boob life chose me

rehabbed:

if you take me on a date to an amusement park you have a 103% chance of getting laid

ambassador-of-anguish:

shouldertappingghosts:

If I was a famous author I would publish a book with ten different endings which all went to print with varying degrees of rarity, but not tell the fans about it so that I could watch their confusion as they disagree over how the story ended. Then when they figured it out I would ‘come clean’, telling them that I had released eleven alternate endings and watch them panic again as they all try to find the last ending.

This is perfect.

nbcemployee:

the uglier the snapchat, the closer the friendship